Midnight Dancer
by bobbieyoung
Summary: What if the person you'd call your soulmate lived just two floors beneath you in the same building? -She's paralyzed for a moment and can't counter anything, her tongue somewhere caught in her throat. It's the blonde woman who she's seen standing by the mailboxes a few times or entering the building when Santana was just leaving.-
1. rooftop

**Hello, new Brittana story here...**

* * *

**Chapter 1**

…_**Santana…**_

All she wants is to come home one day without feeling the desire to go to bed right away. She wants to take her time cooking a delicious dinner and not putting a pizza into the oven. For the third time in a row…

But she simply doesn't have the energy after such a long day at work. She loves her job more than anything. Being a make-up artist for a television show has been a dream come true and she'd never complain.

But she just wants to come home and actually feel awake enough to do something instead of lying on the couch, feeling like a zombie.

"Ugh" She groans when she collapses on the cushions.

"Hard day?"

She just nods, she's even too tired to form a sentence.

"I ordered Chinese, the leftovers are in the fridge if you're still hungry." Mike says when he switches the channel on TV.

Actually she's starving and Chinese sounds a lot better than pizza for the third time in a row but it means she'd have to get up in order to get the food out of the fridge.

"Would you be a sweetheart and get it for me? And spice it up a little?" She asks tiredly and with a bit of a bad conscience.

That's not exactly the way you should greet your boyfriend, right? She should have stepped inside yelling _'honey I'm hoooome'_ and then sit down in his lap to kiss him sweetly and whisper _'I missed you'_ into his ear while he holds her tightly.

But they haven't done that in months.

Actually it's been about a year at least.

"Sure" He says with a smile and gets up from the couch.

Santana watches how he crosses the living room to get to the kitchen. He's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt and his hair isn't gelled, something she hardly ever gets to see unless he just stepped out of the shower or woke up.

She listens to the sound of the microwave while her eyes fixate the television without really knowing what show is on. In about six hours she'll have to get up again and make her way back on set.

Crazy… sometimes she wonders how she does it.

"There you go." Mike's voice snaps her back from her thoughts.

A delicious scent fills her nose when he bends down to hand her the plate with rice and curry.

A kiss to her forehead almost gets unnoticed until she realizes that he's still bent down to her. She lifts her head and reciprocates his smile before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips.

"Goodnight" He says when he gets back up and hands her the remote control.

"Goodnight" She replies. "I'll come to bed in a bit."

He nods before turning around. Only when he's made his way to the bedroom and closed the door behind himself, Santana realizes that she's not actually that hungry anymore.

Not having to eat dinner alone night after night would be nice. But they both work hard and long hours. Often they're already asleep when the other gets home.

She takes a few bites although in her opinion it tastes like nothing. Mike forgot the spices.

She puts the plate away and grabs the remote to see what's on although she's way too tired to watch TV. But that's the thing; she's always so tired from work and still can't sleep. Too much is going on inside her head sometimes.

So instead of going to the bathroom to brush her teeth and getting ready for bed, she grabs the jacket she threw on the backrest of the couch and puts it back on. Careful not to make noise, she steps out of the apartment and closes the door.

She climbs the stairs up higher in the stairway until she reaches the door that will lead her to the rooftop of the building. It's been a while she was last up there. Mike and her would often join parties on the rooftop when they first moved here but lately nobody's done anything anymore.

On her way home from work she threw a look up to the sky and saw that it's a starry night so maybe watching the stars will make her sleepy and then she can go to bed and fall asleep. It's something she always did when she was a kid.

She jumps with fright when the door gets opened before she can touch the doorknob and someone steps outside. Her heart is throbbing because she wasn't expecting to walk into somebody at this hour and especially not on the rooftop.

"Oh sorry" A voice says when Santana touches her aching chest. She looks up to find a woman stepping through the door and eying Santana quickly.

She's paralyzed for a moment and can't counter anything, her tongue somewhere caught in her throat.

It's the blonde woman who she's seen standing by the mailboxes a few times or entering the building when Santana was just leaving. She's not sure but she thinks the woman lives two floors beneath her, together with a guy with a Mohawk and tattoos all over his arms.

Maybe two seconds pass where they share eye contact. Was the blonde watching the stars, too? About to jump off the rooftop and then changed her mind?

Santana shakes her head when the woman pulls her earphones down. She hadn't even noticed them before.

Without saying another word the blondes leaves her alone and descends the stairs with quick steps.

For a moment Santana wonders whether she should just turn around and go back to the apartment and crawl into bed as Mike is probably waiting.

Or sleeping… she can't remember the last time they laid in bed together just talking and asking about how each other's day went.

With a sigh Santana opens the door that will guide her to the rooftop and a breathtaking view over the city that never sleeps. Once she steps outside and takes the first breath of fresh air, everything inside of her calms down a little bit. She loves it up here.

She really wonders what the blonde woman must have been doing up here. Possibly she just needed some time and space to breathe, too.

Mike snores so badly sometimes. And although she's longing to talk to him, she finds the idea of sleeping up here very appealing. She wouldn't have to wonder why she and Mike are lying next to each other but no one makes a move to get intimate anymore. Because that's what couples usually do.

She wouldn't have to feel guilty about falling asleep without giving him a kiss goodnight. She wouldn't have to feel the knot in her throat when Mike switches off the light and turns his back towards her.

She shivers a bit when she looks up to the sky and sees the beautiful stars.

Three years… it's kind of a long time to be in a relationship for three years. They met on her 25th birthday. She was working for a small indie dance movie at that time. Mike was one of the dance choreographers and came to introduce himself when he heard that some other co-workers sang happy birthday for her. A week later he asked her out on a date and since then they've been Mike and Santana.

Marriage has never been a subject although she knows that her parents are eagerly waiting for her to announce the good news that will lead them one step closer to grandchildren.

"_You're 28 Santana…"_ She can hear her mother's voice in her head combined with that look of hers that makes her feel utterly pressurized.

She makes a few steps on the rooftop, lost in thoughts. When was the last time she felt utterly happy?

The thought is creeping her out because it takes her way too long to find the answer. The last time she was utterly happy was when she got the job for the TV show.

And that's seven months ago.

She lets her hand run through her hair, quite stunned about that revelation. It's not like this is the first time she thinks about that kind of stuff. But so far she always pushed those thoughts aside because when you live together and share a life, it's automatically so much you could lose if you let those thoughts travel further.

If Mike ever thinks about it, too? Or maybe he's completely happy with the life they have?

Something catches her eye when she lets her eyes wander over the ground. A silver bracelet is lying next to a chair. There's a small table with two chairs and Santana remembers sitting there during one of those parties, sipping cocktails and listening to good music. There used to be a lot more stuff up here and now it looks kind of abandoned.

She walks over and picks up the bracelet, wondering whom it could belong to. It's beautiful and looks expensive. Maybe the blonde lost it up here while she was doing only God knows what?

Just when she thinks about whether it's too late to go knock on the blonde's door, someone steps through the one that leads to the rooftop. Santana's eyes widen when she spots the same blonde she just thought of.

Her eyes fall to Santana's hands and the silver bracelet in it.

"Oh hey" Santana says and holds it up. "Are you looking for-"

"Yeah" The blonde says with an unsure smile. She steps closer bit hesitant.

Santana hands it to her when they are only two steps away from each other. She realizes her hand is cold when the blonde's warm fingers touch her own to accept the bracelet. It's a warm spring night but her hands are freaking shaking.

"Thanks, I… must have lost it." The blonde says and scratches her forehead.

"Yeah" Santana doesn't know what else to respond because it's kind of an awkward moment to be standing on a rooftop around midnight with a complete stranger.

They've never spoken a word to each other although they live in the same building. It's also kind of awkward because neither knows what the other is doing on the rooftop at this hour of the day. Or rather night…

"Was there a party on today or something?" Santana eventually asks because the silence is making her feel beyond awkward.

But it's an extremely dumb question, considering the fact that it looks like nobody has set foot onto the rooftop in at least a year. There is a dry plant on the small table and something that looks awfully a lot like a dead mouse in a corner.

"Uhm… a party? No… no." The blonde mumbles confusedly.

"Oh I was just wondering because I ran into you and well… I don't know."

The blonde nods slowly.

"There used to be parties all the time when I first moved here a couple years ago." Santana explains.

"Right. I wouldn't know because we've only been here for about four months." The blonde goes on. "I'm Brittany"

Santana looks down to the hand that is now carrying the bracelet around its wrist. She shakes it.

"I'm Santana"

She has no idea what it is but something feels weird.

Or strange. She wonders why they haven't introduced themselves sooner. It's super easy.

They look at each other and Santana wonders _why_ this feels so strange. Maybe it's the fact that it's dark and in the middle of the night and because she has never met anyone on a rooftop.

The blonde narrows her eyes and then exhales a quick laugh.

"Sorry this is kinda weird" Brittany says and scratches her arm when she lets go of Santana's hand.

Santana nods with a chuckle.

"Yeah I was thinking that I was the only one with the idea to come up here all by myself" Santana says while looking at the blonde.

Brittany clears her throat.

"I wonder why there aren't more people up here though because it's pretty awesome" She says and looks around.

"I know!" Santana exclaims and they both grin because it's just kind of funny.

"How did you lose the bracelet?" Santana wonders aloud because she feels like talking bit more. Another weird question because people lose bracelets all the time. Bracelets, rings, necklaces…

Brittany seems to be caught off guard.

"Oh I was…" She shrugs and looks around again. "Dancing"

It's the last thing Santana was expecting. Literally the last thing.

"Dancing?" She asks dumbfounded. "All… by yourself?"

"Yup" The blonde nods. "The apartment is so small and there's no space at all and well…"

"Yeah no, it makes sense." Santana laughs awkwardly because maybe she should just say goodnight before this turns completely weird.

"I should head back" Brittany goes first. "Thanks for the bracelet."

Santana just nods because she only picked it up and returned it to the owner.

"Bye" The blonde says with a gentle voice before turning around. Santana says goodbye, too and watches the woman making her way to the door and stepping back into the building.

Once she's alone she exhales a breath. She'll just wait a couple minutes before returning to her own apartment because it would be super weird to walk into the blonde _again. _

And so she waits and takes another look at the stars.

* * *

It's one am when Santana enters the bedroom and quickly crawls under the blanket. Mike moves around in his sleep because he must have heard her. She can feel the warmth of his body lying beside her and the lump in her throat returns when she realizes that she doesn't feel the desire to snuggle up to him.

It's been forever that they cuddled.

She really just misses cuddling in general…

With a groan she realizes that all the star watching didn't help at all tonight. It'll take a while until she falls asleep.

* * *

**...Brittany…**

"Where were you?"

His voice isn't angry. It's not cold. It's just demanding. Puck's sitting on the couch when Brittany steps into the apartment after she got back the lost bracelet.

"I was dancing, you know that." She explains when she opens the fridge to get a bottle of water.

He eyes her when she crosses the living room to get to the bedroom. She can hear how he gets up from the couch and turns off the TV before following her. When she feels his hands on her waist, she stiffens.

"I need a shower, I'm all sticky." She tries to explain when his lips press against her shoulder.

"Don't worry 'bout it" He mutters and lets his hands wander up her stomach.

She steps away from his embrace and lets the water bottle fall onto the mattress of their bed.

"I need a shower" She repeats determinedly and he accepts.

He raises his hands when she walks by to leave the bedroom. A couple minutes later she's standing under the warm ray of water, her tense muscles finally relaxing.

She must have danced for about an hour today. That rooftop is her escape whenever she needs a break.

Lately she's needed it quite often. But it was just a matter of time when someone would interrupt her. Well, the brunette didn't exactly interrupt her but it looks like Brittany's no longer the only one to appreciate the privacy of the space up there.

She smiles when she thinks of what this Santana girl could have possibly been doing on the rooftop. She has seen her a couple times when they crossed ways in the stairway or something. And Santana is quite an unusual name…

Later when she's lying underneath Puck's sweaty body and he thrusts into her fast and mechanically, she finds herself drifting off with her thoughts.

When he collapses on top of her, she waits until his breathing has recovered and he tiredly rolls off.

She feels like taking a shower all over again but Puck's arm is lying heavily across her middle. So she closes her eyes and waits till sleep takes over.

* * *

**Yes, it's a Brittana love story although they're both in relationships right now.**

**Leave a note if you're interested in more? Thanks for reading! :) **


	2. desperate

**Thank you for the positive feedback! Happy to continue this.**

**Song to listen to: "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman at the end of the chapter.**

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**Chapter 2**

…_**Brittany…**_

It's still nicely warm when she steps out of the library. She's always in desperate need of caffeine when she gets off work so she crosses the street to get to her favorite little café in town.

While standing in line to get coffee, she checks her phone. There's one new message from Puck, asking when she'll be home.

She sighs. Sometimes she feels like she can't do anything without having to explain herself. She decides to not reply instantly. He can wait a little… so she hands the cashier the money and makes her way a couple blocks down the road where she'll go to the first fit boxing class in her life.

She's been looking forward to this all week. She's always wanted to try fit boxing but never found the time for another sport next to sporadic dance classes that she takes and the hours she spends on the rooftop. But lately the craving to get rid of some of her aggressions keeps coming back to the surface. She doesn't even know where those aggressions come from.

Actually she does and it's just easier to pretend that she doesn't.

She pushes her thoughts aside when she steps into the fitness center where she knows her class will start in about ten minutes. Quickly she looks for the locker rooms to get changed into comfortable clothes. A friend from work warned her to not wear too many clothes as she'll be sweating her butt of, so she decides to go with a pair of shorts and a tank top.

When she steps into the gym hall with a bottle of water in her hand and a towel around her neck, the course instructor in the front claps her hands together and puts on a head microphone.

"Alright everyone, get a pair of boxing gloves and find some space!" She instructs.

Brittany turns around to see where to find such gloves. She seems to be the only one who's here for the first time because they all know where to go.

But Brittany's glance gets stuck when she sees a familiar face.

It's Santana from the rooftop.

She's standing there and grabs a pair of gloves for herself and a pair for another girl who's standing next to her. She laughs at something the girl says and then her eyes land on Brittany.

They stare at each other for a second before the brunette's lips curl into a smile. She waves hesitantly and Brittany raises her hand to wave back.

She gives herself a mental push to make her feet move and carry her towards the box with gloves on the floor to get herself a pair.

When the instructor tells them to get ready, Brittany hesitates for a moment but then approaches Santana and her friend. There's no one here she knows and maybe they won't mind if she takes the spot next to them.

"Hi" Santana greets her and Brittany can't help but smile.

"Hey. Nice to see you again." She says and eyes the other brunette standing there. Santana opens her mouth probably in order to introduce them but then the instructor counts to four and starts shouting instructions into the microphone.

There's no time for small talk and so Brittany faces the instructor in the front to copy her warm-up movements.

* * *

The sweat quickly starts collecting on her back and her neck but she ignores it. It feels too good to finally get rid of some of that spare energy she has. Once they've come to the part where everyone has a standing bag in front of them, Brittany starts punching it so hard like she's about to explode. As if she's so mad at the bag for reasons she can't even name.

From time to time she notices Santana in the corner of her eye but she keeps focused on her bag and the instructor. Her top feels soaked but she doesn't care.

When the woman in the front tells them to take a break to drink some water and put the standing bags to the side, Brittany finally snaps back from her trance sort of state. She redoes her ponytail and turns to face Santana and her friend.

"Are you like some kind of female hulk version or something?" The shorter brunette asks and Brittany narrows her eyes. "You looked like you were going to eat that thing any minute."

"Rachel" Santana mumbles embarrassedly and quickly glances at Brittany.

"Actually _you_ looked like a girl hitting that thing" Brittany counters towards the woman who's aparently called Rachel without showing much emotion. Then she turns around and takes a sip of her bottle.

She can hear how Rachel says "I am a girl" to Santana when the instructor demonstrates how to stretch properly for the last ten minutes.

When class is over, Brittany quickly leaves the room to get her stuff from the locker. Actually she wanted to say goodbye to Santana but that Rachel was a total turn off and so she doesn't bother.

She also doesn't bother taking a shower because it'll only take her a couple minutes to get home. She hears a voice calling her name when she's leaving the building and a moment later Santana appears from behind her.

"Hey wait a minute" She says a bit out of breath. Brittany wonders if it's because she hurried to catch her. "Sorry about my friend. She says stuff like that all the time."

Santana puts a strand of hair behind her ear and Brittany finds it sweet of her to apologize for her friend although it wasn't her fault.

"Oh don't worry. It's fine." She says because it really wasn't a big deal.

"Ok, cool"

They're both standing there, holding on to their sport bags, unsure whether to say something else or to just leave.

Maybe just Brittany feels that way.

"Actually I was wondering if you'd like to join us? We're going to _Pam's_ for some drinks since it's Friday night. It's a bar just around the corner and they make really good cocktails and… other drinks."

Brittany looks at the brunette helplessly. She can't remember the last time she was out with friends having fun. Ever since they moved to New York, she's been sort of lost and well… lonely.

She knows which bar Santana is talking about. She sees it every day when she goes to work and she has wondered many times what it's like because it looks really nice from the outside.

"I…" She begins but isn't sure what to say next. She doesn't even know these two girls. What if all they do is sharing an awkward silence once they get there? She doesn't want to ruin their night. But then again Santana asked her. She wouldn't ask her if she didn't mean it, right?

"I feel bad about Rachel making such a bad first impression. Just one drink… it's on me." Santana says with a soft shrug.

Brittany wouldn't know why to say no after that.

"Well… ok. Sounds nice actually. Thanks."

A smile spreads on Santana's face and just when they're about to turn around to approach Rachel who's already waiting a few steps ahead, Brittany's cell phone goes off.

"Oh sorry, hang on" Brittany mumbles when she looks for the phone in her bag.

_**Incoming call: Noah**_

Brittany bites her tongue because she remembers his text message and that she still hasn't answered.

"Hello?" She says when she holds the phone up to her ear.

"_Can you come home?" _Sounds Puck's voice and she knits her eyebrows together. She thought he was going to sound impatient or slightly annoyed but he sounds sad.

"What's wrong?" She wants to know.

"_Just come home, please" _He says with the same crestfallen voice before mumbling a goodbye and hanging up.

Brittany swallows and looks up into dark and already concerned eyes.

"Everything ok?" Santana wants to know but Brittany doesn't know.

"I… I have to go home. I'm sorry." She says and swallows the lump in her throat. Going for drinks would have been really nice but she'd constantly wonder if something happened and why Puck sounded like that.

"Oh ok" Santana says quickly with a gentle smile. "Sure, don't worry."

"Maybe we can… some other time." Brittany mumbles and gives her an apologetic smile before wishing her a good time and turning around.

She can hear Santana's voice wishing her a good night, too but she doesn't turn around anymore.

With quick steps she makes her way home.

* * *

"What happened?" Are her first words when she steps inside her apartment seventeen minutes later.

Puck is sitting at the kitchen table, just wearing jeans and a wife beater and with his cell phone on the table next to a beer. He lets his hand run over his short mohawk and looks up.

"My dad called… my mom had a nervous breakdown or something. She's back at the clinic for a couple days."

Brittany swallows. Slowly she steps into the kitchen, dropping her sports bag on the floor.

"I should have called her. It'll be three years next week. I should have called her or paid her a visit or something for support." He says with a shrug.

Brittany sits down on the opposite side of the small table and reaches out to put her hand on top of his.

"That wouldn't have changed things" She says but already knows those were the wrong words.

Puck glares at her.

"Of course it would have. She'd know that she isn't alone. Obviously my dad is incapable of showing her that."

"You've done so much already. That's why we eventually moved here, remember? It was too much, it broke you."

"But I haven't done it right!" He almost shouts. "I left my mom after her son died! Of course she's miserable! It's… it's all my fault."

"No it's not and you know it" Brittany says determinedly.

Her heart is hammering inside. They hardly ever talk about this, especially since they moved here and left everything behind to start over.

Apparently it didn't work out.

"Why do you still think that it's your fault?" Brittany wants to know with a whisper. Her hand is no longer on top of Puck's as he pulled his away.

"Because I was driving the damn car. You know why Brittany because you were freaking in it, too!" He says loudly and breaks into tears a second later.

But he only sobs twice, quickly wiping the tears away and forcing himself to keep it inside.

It tears her heart apart.

"I need to be there for her." He says with a slightly trembling voice but the tears are gone completely. "Maybe I can go to Lima next weekend. Do you…" He throws a quick look at her. "Do you think you could come, too?"

Brittany bites her bottom lip because she knows she's got two shifts at the bar next weekend.

"Well… I'm working" She says lowly. She feels bad because it sounds lame but she doesn't work there for fun but because they need the money.

"I know" He says and scratches his forehead. "Forget about it. I'll just go there for two nights and try to help out or something."

That's all he says before getting up on his feet. He clears his throat and grabs the beer before entering the living room and collapsing on the couch.

Brittany sits there for another while, not knowing what to do. Eventually she follows him and sits down next to Puck. They watch whatever football game is on silently, without picking up the subject once more.

Sometimes that's the only way she knows how to be there for him.

* * *

…_**Santana…**_

She keeps glancing at Rachel from the side. They've been sitting at the bar at _Pam's_ for about thirty minutes and have talked about work, kick boxing and Rachel's niece so far.

She wants to bring up something that's been nagging at her for way too long but she never finds the right words to explain herself.

"Hey Rach" Santana begins but needs to take another sip of her Martini to gain courage. "Do you and Brody still…" She can't. She just can't.

"Do Brody and I still what, Santana?" Rachel asks while staring into her cocktail glass.

Santana closes her eyes for a moment because she feels so damn uncomfortable but she needs to get it out of her system sooner or later.

"Do you guys still… often… sleep…"

"Do we still sleep?" Rachel wonders with knitted eyebrows. "Yes we sleep a whole lot" She goes on and Santana half laughs, half cries in frustration.

"No, I mean…" She tries again. "Do you still have sex? Like… every day or… just sometimes?" She finally croaks and wants to disappear immediately because Rachel slowly turns her head to give Santana a weird look.

"Uhm… why do you ask?" She wants to know.

Santana groans inwardly. Isn't it obvious if a friend asks you such a question?

"I was wondering because… well, you know Mike and I, we…"

"Oh ok" Rachel says and presses her lips together. "You guys are going through a dry spell?"

Santana nods hesitantly. She's not sure if you could still call this a dry spell.

"Yeah. Kind of." She says.

"What do you mean, kind of? How long has it been?" Rachel asks.

"Uh well… you mean how long we haven't like… real sex?" Santana coughs awkwardly.

"Is there unreal sex?" Rachel frowns.

"I don't know?"

"Well how long has it been that you and Mike slept together? Real or… unreal." Rachel asks.

Santana looks away. Is there a way to tell without having to turn red?

"About… eight months." She says eventually, feeling completely embarrassed. She doesn't know why she's embarrassed. She's sure that she's not the first woman on earth to go without sex for eight months. She knows that this happens to couples. She knows that some marriages don't contain sex at all once there are babies and houses and whatever.

But she's embarrassed because it means she hasn't done anything about it.

"Ok" Rachel gives her a long look. "Ok".

"Do you think I'm weird now?" Santana needs to know.

"No. Why would I? I think you're probably just extremely sexually frustrated, that's all."

Santana guides the glass to her lips because well… there's no way she could deny that fact. And that's what embarrasses her, too.

"Brody and I have sex at least twice a week. Sometimes it's more. Sometimes every day. I guess every couple is different. But you and Chang obviously have some things to talk about." Rachel states.

"But that's the thing" Santana drags. "I have no idea how to talk to him about it. Because if I'm being honest… it's not like I want it to go back to the way things were when we first started dating. Because… well…" She sighs and rolls her eyes at her incompetence of telling the truth without having such trouble. "I'm really unhappy." She manages to admit eventually.

Rachel looks at her and Santana almost starts crying out of nowhere.

"I had no idea" Rachel mumbles. "Is it that bad?"

Santana shrugs. Why deny now that she's come so far?

"Yeah" She breathes.

It's not easy for her to admit how empty her relationship has been in the past couple months. Her job demands a lot of her, just like Mike's job does, too. But the more she tells Rachel, the better she feels.

They haven't been friends for a long time but when they got to know each other on Santana's first day on set, there was an instant connection and ever since, she'd call Rachel one of her best friends. It is nice to finally tell her and when they leave the bar two hours later, she feels as light as a feather hugging Rachel to say goodbye.

The weight returns when she enters the building to her apartment. With one step inside, she feels all the frustration and hopelessness coming back because nothing's solved. Talking about it felt good but it's all still the same.

Mike didn't hear how Santana said to Rachel that she thinks they both could find happiness somewhere else. He didn't hear how Santana said that the time with Mike was amazing but now they simply don't match anymore because they never truly matched in the first place. How could there ever be the _right_ moment to talk about it?

It's the first evening in a long time that she and Mike get to eat dinner together. When she steps into the apartment, he's already standing by the dinner table and putting spaghetti onto two plates.

"You cooked?" She asks bewildered. He used to cook for her all the time when they first got together.

"Yes" He says and puts down the pan and spoon. She approaches the table and they lean in for a kiss on the lips to greet each other.

Maybe they don't sleep with each other anymore. But they always kiss like that. Maybe because they still want it. Maybe out of habit.

It's a nice dinner. He's always been a good cook and Mike asks her how work went because he knew that Santana was going to meet one of her favorite actresses on set today as she was going to play a guest role on the show.

She's a bit confused. They usually don't have dinners like this anymore. It's not their anniversary or her or Mike's birth-…

"Oh my God" She gasps and hides her face in her hands.

How could she forget? How could she actually forget his birthday?

"Mike I'm so sorry" She says quickly and gets up from her chair to hurry around the table. "Why didn't you say something? I feel awful." She mumbles when she leans down to hug him.

He chuckles softly and wraps his arms around her middle, pulling her into his lap. They sit like this for a while, Santana hiding her face in his shoulder with utter shame.

"It's bit late to say happy birthday, huh?" She asks eventually. "But I still wish you the very best."

She can feel his hand on her back rubbing up and down but she feels miserable. How bad is this? It has never happened to her before. Every year she'd get him a video game he still didn't have in his collection and they'd go for dinner together.

Now that she hasn't mentioned anything, Mike cooked by himself… she feels like a monster.

He's crazy about video games. Not because he plays them 24 hours a day but because his biggest dream would be to become a video game developer. She knows it's his dream to go to an academy but he'd never actually make the step to apply to such a school and give up his job.

Actually she wouldn't know how they could finance such a school but she knows it's been his secret dream because he used to talk about it all the time.

"Don't worry about it. I know work is stressful at the moment." He says which makes her feel even worse.

He doesn't know that she was at the fitness center or went to _Pam's_ with Rachel to have delicious drinks.

She pulls back to look into his face. Why isn't he angry or disappointed? He's supposed to make a scene where he runs into the bedroom and shuts the door, not ready to talk to her just yet.

Maybe that's rather what she would do?

She's caught off guard when he leans in and kisses her. Especially because it's not like one of their usual pecks on the lips. He actually kisses her without parting after a second, keeping their lips locked and holding her close.

A rush of adrenalin shoots through her body when he guides his hand to her front and cups one of her breasts to squeeze it.

What's happening? Are they… going to? Her thoughts are spinning.

Their lips part when Mike gets up with Santana in his arms. She has no idea where all of this comes from but lets him carry her to the living room where he gently drops her on the couch and lies down between her thighs.

They start kissing again and that's when Santana realizes that something feels off.

His lips are way too sloppy and his hands too urgent. It used to not feel like this. His hand is already fumbling with the belt on his pants and they've literally only been kissing for maybe twenty seconds.

The button on his pants springs open and he lifts his lower half to reach between their middles and grab her hips. Once, twice he kisses her before opening her button, too and trying to pull her pants down.

"Mike" She breathes against his cheek but he's too busy looking down between their bodies. "Mike" She repeats.

He glances up at her quickly.

"Can we… how about the bedroom?" Santana suggests. This is all happening so hurriedly. It could be hot and sexy but it's not.

"Ok" He pants and gazes down at her for a while. "Sure"

He pushes himself up and gets up from the couch. He takes her hand to guide her through the living room but when they reach the bedroom, Santana knows that the moment has passed.

They're standing there at the foot of their bed, close to each other but so far away in reality. Mike's head bumps against her forehead and she puts her hands on his chest. She can feel his heart beating and wonders if it's still beating for her sometimes.

Something hot rolls down her cheek. When it runs between her lips and it tastes salty, Mike wraps his arms around her.

"I'm so sorry" She sobs into the material of his shirt.

It's the only thing she knows to say. She's sorry for not wanting this although she wants it really. But something has changed long ago. He must know it. He must.

He just holds her. All the adrenalin has turned into defeat.

She doesn't understand herself. She longed to get close. Was craving for the intimacy. Now that she could have it, she just wants to run away.

* * *

She doesn't know when they broke apart or when they decided to go to bed. But after taking a quick shower, Santana found Mike fast asleep.

She's been lying on her back, staring at the ceiling and once again finding no sleep.

That evening was… eventful. She can't seem to sort all of her thoughts. A quick look at the alarm clock tells her that it's almost one in the morning.

Before she knows it, she's getting out of bed, puts on a hoodie and some sweatpants and sneaks out of the bedroom. Quickly she grabs her keys and tiptoes to the door.

The first thing she does when she locks the apartment behind her, is taking a deep breath of relief. Her feet automatically carry her the stairs up until she's standing in front of the door to the roof and opens it.

She almost wishes that Brittany will be up there, too.

And she doesn't know why.

But it's already so late, the blonde is probably in bed sleeping. She hopes that nothing bad happened after that phone call she got in front of the fitness center. She sounded pretty concerned.

Well… it couldn't be worse than forgetting her boyfriend's birthday…

She shakes her head because she still can't believe it happened to her. Or what happened afterwards.

She startles when she sees a figure in the dark and although she was kind of hoping to run into Brittany, it comes completely unexpected.

She's sitting there on a table, her legs dangling back and forth. She apparently didn't hear Santana stepping through the door because she's still staring into the night, earphones in her ears and a can of coke in her hands.

In a way Santana can't believe it. Two times in a row they meet like this, at such an hour of the day and both seeming kind of lost. She doesn't know what Brittany is hiding from. But she has a feeling she _is._

Only when she steps closer to the blonde, hoping not to scare her, Brittany turns her head. She startles a bit but then her eyes widen and a hint of a smile creeps over her lips.

"If it isn't the midnight dancer" Santana greets her. Actually she didn't mean to speak her thoughts out loud but it makes Brittany chuckle.

"Hello stranger" She counters and takes out her earphones. "That's a nice surprise."

Santana steps opposite of her, her hands hidden in the front pocket of her hoodie. It was bit warmer the last time they met up here.

"But it looks like I no longer have this place of quiet all to myself." She jokes and causes Santana to laugh softly.

"Do you want me to leave you alone?" Santana asks because she does feel a bit like an intruder.

The blonde narrows her eyes and shakes her head.

"No"

"Good. Cause it's way too nice up here." Santana carries on. "Can't sleep?"

Brittany tilts her head to the side and shrugs.

"Sleep is overrated" She states simply. "Also a waste of time."

That makes Santana wonder.

"How do you mean?" She wants to know. Brittany tilts her head to the other side before answering.

"I mean like there are so many things you could do when you're not sleeping."

"Like what?"

"Like… going for a hike. Or taking care of a pet or something."

Santana presses her lips together because going for a hike is not something she'd do in the darkness of the night.

"Or writing a book" Santana adds instead. She doesn't know why she tells Brittany this. It's been a very personal wish to write a book one day and she hasn't told anyone about it. Not even Mike.

"You write?" Brittany asks.

Santana shrugs.

"I try. But it's hard to find the time."

"See?" Brittany mumbles. "Maybe you should write instead of sleeping." She suggests.

"And then how do I go to work the next day without collapsing because of my insomnia?"

They look at each other and grin knowingly.

"You're right…" Brittany says when she looks up to the stars.

A silent minute passes before Brittany scoots over to make some space for Santana to sit on the table, too. Santana makes a step towards her and hops on it. She bumps into Brittany's shoulder and mumbles a "sorry" but the blonde just wordlessly shakes her head as if to say "no problem".

They sit like that for a while, both lost in own thoughts.

"So what kind of job do you do where you need to be awake instead of sleeping?" Brittany asks eventually.

Santana throws a quick look to the side.

"Oh I'm a make-up artist" She answers the question. "I work for a television series at the moment."

Brittany nods with recognition and asks her which show it is.

"It's nothing huge. It's called "_Philip_" and resolves around this guy moving from London to Philadelphia to be with his long distance girlfriend and it looks like a love story kind of thing but then turns out to be a huge crime story and yeah…"

"You're a make-up artist for _Philip_?" Brittany asks and her mouth is hanging open when Santana turns to look at her.

"Do you watch it?"

"Do I _watch_ it?" Brittany echoes. "I love it!" She exclaims.

Santana grins amusedly because she doesn't get that reaction often. Most often people are like: _"Philip who?"_

"Wait, does that mean you know what happens in episode thirteen of season two? The one that'll air on Tuesday?"

Santana shrugs in a secretive way and pretends to lock her mouth with a tiny invisible key.

"Oh my God how am I supposed to wait till Tuesday now that I know someone lives in the same building who knows everything that happens?" Brittany wonders with an incredulous laugh. "Can't you like tell me a little something? I swear I'd keep it to myself."

Santana laughs.

"Sure but I'd have to kill you afterwards." She says and Brittany quickly shakes her head.

"I guess I'll wait till Tuesday then" Brittany smirks. "But anyway that's really cool. Sounds a whole lot more exciting than my job."

"What do you do?"

"I'm a librarian during the day and a barkeeper on some nights." Brittany explains.

Santana frowns. She didn't expect a librarian. A barkeeper yes.

"Actually it's pretty cool. I work for a college library and it's a very nice job. But working at the bar is a good change every once in a while."

Santana nods as she can imagine.

"It sounds exciting" She comments.

Knowing just a little bit more about each other, they once again fall into silence. Santana shivers because of the cold night air but weirdly she can feel the warmth spreading from the body next to hers and for a short moment she wishes they sat just a little bit closer.

"You know I've been living here for four months but you're the only one in this building I know by name and what you do for a living." Brittany states. "Isn't that sad?"

Santana shakes her head.

"I've been living here for at least four years and I still don't know what my neighbor next door does for a living."

Brittany chuckles amusedly.

"Glad I'm not the only one then" She whispers.

Santana's arm twitches forcefully when Brittany's hand brushes against her own. She was just reaching for her earphones and Santana doesn't know why it shocks her like electricity.

"Sorry" It's Brittany who apologizes this time and Santana who doesn't find words. "It's getting pretty cold up here, huh? Maybe we should head inside."

Santana just nods dopily and watches how Brittany hops down from the table and puts her earphones around her neck.

Santana snaps back from her trance and hops down, too to follow Brittany to the door that leads to the stairway.

They walk silently next to each other and descend the stairs until they reach Santana's floor.

"Hey listen, I feel bad for walking away after you guys asked me to join you for drinks today." Brittany says before it's time to say goodbye. "Will you go to kickboxing class again next week?"

Santana needs a moment to process the information, just because she still doesn't know what's going on inside of her.

"Uhm… yes! I think so. Rachel and I go there almost every week."

"Cool. Maybe we can go for drinks next week?"

Santana just nods when Brittany makes a few steps away and turns around once more.

"Ok then. Goodnight." She says with a smile.

"Goodnight" Santana counters before Brittany disappears downstairs.

She stands there for a moment and scratches her forehead.

What was that?

And why does she feel like she's about to go to a job interview? Because whenever she went to a job interview in the past, she felt exactly the same tingle in her stomach. Some kind of unknown nervousness.

A bit confused about her own weird behavior, she pulls the keys from her pocket and opens the door. Before she enters the apartment, she throws another look over her shoulder. Then she steps inside.

* * *

**Let me know what you think, it always means a lot :)**


	3. heartbeat

**Chapter 3**

…_**Brittany…**_

"Eddie!"

Brittany startles when Puck shoots up in bed, panting heavily. She had been lying awake for a while because Puck kept moving around in his sleep and mumbled words she didn't understand.

"What… what's going on?" He gasps and looks around. Brittany sits up, too and puts a hand on his shoulder.

"It's me, you had a nightmare. Everything's ok." She says softly. Puck's eyes find hers in the almost dark bedroom and she can see the confusion fading.

"What time is it?" He asks and scratches his forehead.

"About 4am. You won't have to get up for another two hours. Go back to sleep. Come on…" She tugs at his arm to get him to lie back.

He exhales a trembling breath when they sink back into the pillows.

"You ok?" Brittany asks when he pulls the sheets up to their arms.

"Yeah" He mumbles.

It's been a long time that he had a nightmare but it doesn't surprise her. Ever since his dad called to ask Puck to come home for a while, he's been tense and restless. They never talk about the nightmares but she can imagine what Puck sees in them. She'll never forget those minutes in the car turned upside down. Eddie unconscious in the back seat while Puck was calling for help in the front next to Brittany.

He kept telling his brother that everything was going to be ok but Eddie didn't wake up. Crying in the passenger's seat, Brittany knew that something terribly had happened and that they wouldn't get home safely from their trip like they had promised Puck's and Eddie's mom.

Only when Puck's breath evens out and his grip around Brittany's wrist loosens a bit, she realizes that he's holding on to her and that for the first time he doesn't leave the apartment for a smoke after one of his nightmares.

It's bittersweet in a way because this is what she had wished for after the accident. Then when she needed him, too but spent nights alone crying in bed while he was getting wasted at a bar. It is nice to know that he doesn't push her away now.

But sometimes she thinks it's too late.

* * *

It's eight o'clock when she stretches her limbs and gets out of bed. Puck has already left for work at the construction site.

A soft whimper woke her up and reminds her of their guest. Jimmy jumps excitedly when she steps out of the bedroom.

"Hey buddy. Did you sleep alright? Hungry? Need to pee real bad?" She cups the Labrador's head to press a kiss to his nose before guiding him to the door.

She grabs a hoodie and steps into her sneakers before leaving the apartment to get to the small park just around the corner.

One of her co-workers at the bar is on vacation and Brittany was more than happy to watch his dog for a couple days. She always wanted a dog when she was a kid and back in Lima she and Puck almost bought one but with the accident things changed.

Everything changed.

* * *

Hours later she's standing in the gym and pounding into the boxing bag as hard as possible. Sweat is dripping off her forehead but it makes her feel good.

That Rachel girl didn't show up today so it's just Santana and her who get into talking once the fit boxing class is over.

"So you like it?" Santana asks a bit out of breath when they make their ways back to the locker room.

"Huh?"

"Fit boxing. Do you think you'll buy a subscription for a year or something?"

"Oh yeah, definitely! It's awesome." Brittany replies with a smile.

She does love it.

And somehow she loves talking to Santana before and afterwards.

They start undressing and Brittany quickly wraps a towel around herself before following Santana to the shower stalls.

"Hey I was thinking" Santana says when she comes to a halt in front of the stalls. "Would you still like to go for drinks today?"

Brittany is caught off guard. Actually she was kind of hoping that Santana would ask because they had suggested it last week but Brittany wasn't going to find the courage to bring it up again.

"Oh! Drinks? Y-yes. That would be seriously. I mean _great. _That would be great. Not _seriously_…" She has no idea why she said the word 'seriously'. It hasn't happened to her in a long time that she used a wrong word because of nervousness. She doesn't even know why she's nervous.

But it's been forever that she made new friends and it looks like she's that close to making a friend in Santana.

"Cool" The brunette beams at her and before Brittany can reply anything, she's standing alone in front of the shower stall that Santana just disappeared in.

"Cool" She mumbles and bites her lip because she can hardly suppress a grin.

* * *

"Did I promise too much?" Santana asks when they receive their second round of Cosmopolitans.

Brittany's view is already bit blurry because it's been a while that she had alcoholic drinks. They went straight to _Pam's_ after their fit boxing class and have been sitting at a table, talking about light stuff such as Jimmy the dog, the library or the TV show that Santana works for.

The next drink she orders will have to be water though.

"No. It's a great place. Don't know why I haven't checked it out before actually." Brittany replies and throws a look at Santana who sits around the corner of the table.

"You don't go to bars a lot?" Santana wants to know.

"Well… it's not that I don't want to but I hardly find the time. Besides I already work _behind_ the counter several nights a week so…"

"Right"

"Also I have to admit that I haven't made that many friends ever since we moved here." As soon as she says it, her cheeks start to burn and she knows she's turning red.

Why is she telling Santana this? It sounds pathetic to tell someone you don't have friends.

"I mean I guess I do get along well with my co-workers at the bar. But they're all… men." She coughs awkwardly because she doesn't know why she's still talking. Santana probably doesn't want to know all that.

"Oh ok. You should hang out with me and Rachel more often." Santana suggests with a smile. "Sometimes we go dancing with Quinn and Mercedes who are friends from work, too and it's always great fun to go out with the girls. How about I let you know next time we go to a club or something?"

Brittany's throat feels a little dry. She doesn't want Santana to feel obliged to include her in her clique.

The idea sounds great though. Going out dancing with a bunch of girls. She can't remember the last time she did something like that.

"You sure they wouldn't mind?" Brittany asks carefully.

"Absolutely not." Santana assures her and guides her glass to her lips. "I mean you can bring you boyfriend, too if you want. Maybe he'd like to hang out with Mike while we're out?"

Brittany stares at the brunette for a couple seconds.

"Mike's my boyfriend and uh… actually it would do him good to just go for drinks with another guy or hang out. He works a lot and usually when he gets home he just sits in front of the TV until he falls asleep."

The hint of dejection in Santana's voice makes Brittany wonder. But she doesn't dare to ask her about it.

"Well… is there any chance your boyfriend likes football? Or video games?" Brittany suggests hopefully. Now that she thinks about it… Puck could definitely use a new guy friend. He made one or two friends at the construction site and they hung out at their place a couple times but they were extremely rude and loud and the fridge was completely empty when they left. Early in the morning.

"Mike loves video games! And he likes football, too." Santana smiles widely. "We should totally set our boyfriends up for a date, don't you think?"

It makes Brittany laugh. She laughs wholeheartedly and it feels amazing.

"I'll definitely ask Puck if he's up for it." She says with a chuckle. "But I can't promise anything. His job is very exhausting and well… he's not very outgoing. But I guess if he'd only have to climb the stairs to get to your apartment, he'll consider it."

Santana nods satisfied.

"Awesome. I'll ask Mike tonight then." Santana narrows her eyes before speaking up again. "Puck is a funny name. Is it short for something?"

Brittany nods.

"Yeah. His name is Noah. Puckerman is his last name but everybody calls him Puck. I do, too sometimes. Actually I called him _Puke_rman back in high school before we started dating. He was an idiot and I couldn't stand him."

Santana laughs and shakes her head.

"That's charming. How did you end up together?"

Brittany thinks back. Sometimes she asks herself the same question.

"Uhm… I guess he had always been kind of into me but of course didn't know better how to show but by teasing me, making fun of me and trying to get me drunk on parties."

The memories make her chuckle.

"One day he came up to me after cheerio practice and suggested we'd go have a burger together. The rest is history."

Santana snorts with laughter and it makes Brittany blush.

"You mean you became a couple because he bought you a burger?" Santana asks.

"No…" Brittany blinks twice. "He forgot his wallet. I paid."

They look at each other and a second later both burst into laughter.

"Wow… that means you guys have been together forever." Santana states with recognition in her voice.

The way she says it so simply makes something jump inside Brittany.

They've been together since forever.

"Yeah" She breathes and takes a sip of her drink. "Sometimes it sure feels like that."

"Well you're lucky then." Santana adds. Brittany looks up from her drink. "Being with someone for that long… it means something."

Brittany doesn't know what to say so she stays quiet.

"Because I don't think I can say that about myself. That I have found someone who I can picture myself to walk hand in hand with every single day for so long. I…" The brunette trails off and slowly shakes her head. "I don't think Mike and I have that."

Brittany swallows. She has no idea if she has it with Puck.

Or if she wants it.

She'll never forget the night after Eddie's funeral. She and Puck slept on the tiny couch in his parents' living room and he begged her to make a promise.

She promised she'd never leave like Eddie did. She'd stay.

"My parents really want me to marry Mike." Santana huffs. "I don't know why though." Her chuckle is bitter and for a second Brittany feels like putting her hand on top of Santana's.

"Don't get me wrong, he's great." The brunette quickly adds. "He _is…"_

Brittany nods and wonders what her parents would say if she announced an engagement to Puck.

They'd probably cut her out of their will.

"You don't seem very happy" The words have left Brittany's mouth before she can stop them. "Sorry. I mean… I don't know why I said that. It's not in my place." She tries to correct herself but Santana just shakes her head.

"Don't worry. You're right. I've been thinking about what it would be like if Mike and I broke up. But it scares me, you know? And I can't talk to him about it."

Brittany feels like hiding her face in the palm of her hands because she's scared that her expression will give her away. Santana is talking about things she's been thinking about, too but Brittany could never go there.

She clears her throat.

"What… what are you going to do about it?" She asks carefully and she really wants to know.

Santana shrugs in a clueless way.

"If I only knew." She sighs. "I guess I'll have to bring it up sooner or later. Just don't know how. Maybe things will get better, who knows. It could be a phase, right? Every couple goes through phases where they're not as happy and in love as in the beginning."

It sounds like Santana is trying to convince herself rather than asking, so Brittany doesn't try to answer. Instead she watches how Santana guides her glass to her lips and finishes the drink in one go.

Brittany does the same a moment later.

"D'you wanna go home?" The brunette slurs a bit and is already looking for the wallet in her purse. Brittany would love to stay and talk to Santana till late at night. She doesn't know why though. Santana could be anyone.

"Sure" She says instead and reaches for her purse, too but Santana makes her stop by grabbing Brittany's wrist.

"I got it." She mumbles and hands the bartender a couple bills, telling him to keep the change.

Brittany can't remember the last time somebody invited her for drinks. Or the last time somebody made her feel special but right at this moment and just because Santana pays for her drinks, she feels special.

They don't talk much on their way back home. And when they reach Brittany's apartment, Santana reaches out her hand to say goodnight. It's so formal and weird to shake hands after a night at the bar but when their hands touch, Brittany thinks it actually feels nice.

"Goodnight. I had a great time today. See you next week?" Santana says with a tired look on her face. But she's also smiling.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward. Goodnight." Brittany replies and then turns around to get into her apartment.

When she closes the door, she exhales a breath. It was a nice evening. And she's already excited about next week if she's being honest.

"Hey" Puck's voice interrupts her thoughts. "How was the workout?" He wants to know.

He's sitting on the couch as usually with a can of beer in his hand and some leftovers on the small coffee table.

She presses her lips together when she sees that Jimmy is sitting in the corner all by himself. She had asked Puck to go for a short walk to the park with the dog while she was out but it doesn't look like he did her the favor.

"It was good. Did you take Jimmy outside?"

Puck throws a quick glance at the dog who got up as soon as he heard Brittany's voice and is now excitedly wiggling his tail right in front of her. She bends down to caress his head and presses a kiss to his nose.

"Nah… I was going to within the next ten minutes though." Puck explains lamely.

Brittany shakes her head and grabs the leash.

"Then I'll go now. He needs some fresh air before going to sleep." She states and doesn't really listen to Puck when he says he'll be leaving for Lima early in the morning.

She just mumbles a 'yes' and then leaves the apartment together with Jimmy.

When they reach the park a couple minutes later, Brittany watches how Jimmy immediately goes looking for a stick or something to throw. She grins when he returns only a couple seconds later.

"Did you find something? You crazy dog… only got playing in your head, huh? Playing and food…" She throws the stick far away before sitting down on a park bench.

An unintentional sigh escapes her lungs. It's such a nice evening and up until ten minutes ago she was in a great mood.

Why didn't Puck just go with the dog? Does he not care at all? It's not actually that big of a deal but it upsets her beyond measurement. It was just a small favor she asked and he just…

She knows he's not doing so well because he's worried about his mom and that he's hurting at the moment because it's been exactly three years since he lost his brother. But can't he just… try a bit harder?

Maybe she's expecting too much. Or maybe it's time they change something.

Only when Jimmy barks at her reproachfully, she realizes that she completely zoned out.

"Sorry buddy. Here you go." She throws the stick Jimmy brought and watches him storm off.

* * *

_**The next day…**_

She's sure the hours go by slower than usually. She'll get off work at seven and then order some nice Chinese for a comfy dinner on the couch with a glass of red wine. She can't wait.

Puck is already in Lima and it's been a while that she had the apartment all for herself. She'll totally let Jimmy sit on the couch now that Puck won't see it.

She's sitting at the front desk of the library and watches the students. She loves observing them when they think no one is watching. Some of them are sitting all by themselves at a table, lost in thoughts about whatever they're typing into their laptops. Some are standing in front of a bookshelf, not having any clue what they are supposed to find there. Some sit together at a table and discuss the lecture they just had and what an idiot the professor is being for making them write another essay.

"Bye Brittany! Have a nice evening."

She quickly lifts her head from the palm of her hand and turns around to see two students leaving the library. Since she started her job here she got to know some kids.

"You, too! Bye…" She says and waves at the two girls.

Somehow it makes her feel old.

New freshmen just started their studies and they all look so young to Brittany. She's turning thirty next year. It doesn't scare her. But watching those students turning into adults, gives her a feeling of being stuck.

She has a good job and lives in this great city. But Puck would never understand how much she'd like to travel around the world and see places she's only dreamed of. To him travelling is a waste of money and he's scared of new places where they don't speak English and use different money. She doesn't know why. Different countries fascinate her and she'd die to travel through Indonesia for a couple months. Or Argentina or China…

He'd flip out if she told him she wanted to go travel without him and probably set the apartment on fire by trying to cook something for dinner all by himself.

Maybe that's exaggerated. Maybe not.

But you don't go travelling around the world once you're fifty. When you're fifty, you probably have a house somewhere you need to take care of. She's young _now_.

They are young. But Puck would never want it…

* * *

Although the Chinese is delicious and Jimmy looks more than happy to be lying next to her on the couch, it all doesn't feel as awesome as she thought it would.

She's been going through all one hundred and twenty-five channels they have over and over again but there's nothing on she'd like to watch. Maybe she should just go to bed.

A look at her watch lets her know that it's 9.30. She never goes to bed that early. She could go to the roof and dance. Which means she'd have to change into more comfortable clothes…

She sighs audibly making makes Jimmy open one of his eyes and glancing up at her.

"Hey Jimmy" She says and pats his head. "What do you say you and I pack our stuff and run away together?"

The dog still just looks at her.

"Not just to the park but far away." She mumbles dreamily while caressing Jimmy's head.

Then she chuckles.

"No I guess we couldn't do that to your owner, huh? I'm sure he'd miss you a lot."

It makes her sad to think about returning Jimmy to his owner next week. She always loves taking care of him while her co-worker is on vacation.

She couldn't do it to Puck, either. She knows it…

After a while she gets up from the couch and grabs her keys.

Maybe Santana is on the roof, too.

* * *

When she steps through the door a minute later and looks around, she can't hide her smile. She can't believe how much she was hoping to find Santana up there but didn't actually think it was going to happen.

Santana is sitting on what looks like a sweater spread on the ground and gazes up to the dark sky that is full with stars.

"Is it hard to find sleep or did you come here to count the stars?" Brittany speaks up when she approaches the brunette.

Santana turns her head and looks up to Brittany.

"Oh hey" She says with a grin and Brittany wonders why Santana looks a little different tonight. "There are way too many to count" She slurs and Brittany suppresses a chuckle when listening to the obviously tipsy Santana.

"How are you?" Santana asks with a tired smile.

"Me? I'm pretty good but how are you? Could it be that you're a little drunk?"

Santana giggles and raises her hand to show Brittany how tipsy she is with her thumb and her pointer.

"Maybe a little bit?" She mumbles. "I guess I had more than one cocktail at the bar with Rachel… but they were veeeery good, I swear." Santana explains when Brittany kneels down next to her. "Lots of fruit in it."

"And lots of alcohol, I bet" Brittany adds and shakes her head at Santana but she can't stop grinning because drunk Santana looks really funny and kind of sweet. At the same time she wonders if Santana drinks a lot in general. Just the night before they had gotten a little drunk at the bar.

"Mhm you're right" Santana nods. "But I needed a drink after the meeting with my momsss…"

Brittany frowns.

"Your moms? As in plural?"

"Yeah you know, my mom and dad. My parents always want to know many things when we go for coffee."

Brittany shakes her head once again and takes a closer look at Santana when she starts explaining. She's wearing pretty make-up and her hair is wavy, an expensive necklace around her neck.

"They keep asking me about Mike and our engagement, you know?"

"You're engaged?" Brittany wonders aloud because she wasn't expecting that.

"No! Brittany! _No_… no, no." Santana exclaims and vehemently shakes her head. "We're _not_ engaged, no. Thank God. No… But they assume we are." Brittany thinks to detect a hint of desperation in Santana's voice. "And that makes me f-feel _so_ pressurized." The brunette hiccups. "Like… that much." Santana spreads her arms to symbolize the amount of pressure she's feeling and Brittany's eyes widen because Santana spreads her arms as wide as possible.

The brunette sways and dares to lose balance but Brittany quickly leans forward to grab her slim shoulders and steady her.

"Wow that's awfully lot of pressure" She says and Santana nods in agreement.

"I know, right?" Santana slurs and somehow Brittany finds her own face close to Santana's. She has wrapped her arms around Brittany's neck and is now admiring her face.

It's a weird position. Brittany is kneeling in front of the woman to make sure she won't fall backwards while Santana holds on to her and gazes into her eyes.

"I feel like I could tell you anything…" Santana mumbles and Brittany doesn't know why she's suddenly feeling a little dizzy.

Maybe it's the alcohol.

That doesn't make any sense though. She's not drunk. Santana is.

When those dark eyes wander over her face, she clears her throat. It's kind of intense for her to look at each other while sitting that close.

"How about I help you get up and then I bring you back to your apartment?" She suggests with a slightly trembling voice. She clears her throat again.

But Santana is still wordlessly looking at her and Brittany has no idea what is happening.

"My apartment?" Santana asks after what feels like an eternity.

"Yeah" Brittany breathes. "Where you live."

Santana laughs a bit and mumbles "right" before cupping Brittany's face with her hands and pulls her even closer.

When warm lips press against Brittany's cheek, she feels nauseous for maybe a second. Then she feels like falling. She holds Santana's shoulders tighter and closes her eyes for a moment before pulling back.

"Come on… I'll help you up" She says and feels her whole body trembling.

Her fingers wrap around Santana's slim wrists that are still near her face. Slowly she helps the brunette to get up on her feet and once they're standing straight, Santana leans in and lets her head rest against Brittany's shoulder.

"I am _so… _dizzy." Santana groans and leans heavy against Brittany's body.

Brittany feels like saying "me, too" but quickly bends down to get Santana's sweater from the ground. Then she wraps an arm around the brunette and they make their way to the door that will lead them back inside the building.

"This is so embarrassing" Santana says when they walk down the stairs and she has to hold on to Brittany. "I was kind of hoping you wouldn't show up on the rooftop tonight so you wouldn't see me all tipsy and stuff."

Brittany laughs softly and guides Santana around a corner.

"No worries… I work at a bar, remember? I've seen a lot worse."

They come to a halt in front of Santana's apartment and the brunette takes the sweater that Brittany hands her.

"You think you'll find the way to your bed safely?" Brittany asks with a wink.

Santana laughs and slightly shakes her head in embarrassment.

"Yeah… sorry I wasn't good company tonight. Uhm… do you wanna go out with me and the girls on the weekend? It's my friend Quinn's birthday and every year she makes a big dinner at her house and afterwards we go to a bar or a club."

Brittany's eyes widen because she wasn't expecting an invitation so soon. Santana had suggested that Brittany could join them one day when they go out but she didn't think it would be on the weekend already.

"Sorry you probably think I'm desperate or something" Santana mumbles before Brittany can answer the question. "How about you just think about it and let me know spontaneously on Saturday?"

Brittany just nods and wants to say thanks but Santana is already fumbling with the key in the lock.

"I'll better go to bed before I embarrass myself a lot more than I already did." She says with an apologetic grin and opens the door. "I'll see you around."

Brittany smiles and wishes Santana a goodnight shortly before the door gets closed and the brunette is out of sight.

Brittany scratches her forehead and chuckles lightly. Then she heads downstairs.

* * *

…_**Santana… the next day…**_

She wakes up with a throbbing in her temples. Her throat feels dry and her eyes hurt when she opens them to find the way to the bathroom. Luckily she's got the morning off and won't have to hurry to get to work.

Why did she drink so many cocktails last night?

Oh right… the meeting with her parents.

First thing she does when she enters the bathroom is grabbing two painkillers and then drinks two glasses of cold water. She definitely should change her drinking habits on week days.

She groans when she remembers how Brittany found her on the rooftop. Was she seriously sitting on the ground? Brittany must think she's a weirdo now. Nobody sits on the ground just like that, staring up into the sky.

When she gets into the kitchen she sees a note on the table with Mike's handwriting on it. It tells her that he'll get home very late as he's going to have dinner with his co-workers.

She grabs the note and throws it into the trash before making herself a strong cup of coffee.

* * *

When she steps outside the building an hour later to do the groceries, she breathes in the fresh air. No more sign of headache.

Quickly she makes her way to the nearest supermarket and tries to remember what she wrote down on the shopping list. She left it on the kitchen table.

Something catches her eye when she walks by the small park near her apartment. There's Brittany and… a dog.

The dog is running after a toy Brittany just threw away. Santana stops and thinks about walking over to say hi. Then she remembers the other night and drops the thought.

She smiles when Brittany excitedly claps her hands and praises the dog for catching the toy with his mouth.

Santana never liked dogs. Or pets in general. But still she finds it utterly sweet.

It's confusing in a way because if the dog doesn't make her smile then why is she smiling so hard? And why does her heart make a small jump when Brittany turns around and for a second Santana thinks that she's been caught staring?

But the blonde just picks up the toy and throws it into the air once more.

Santana shakes her head and then pays her attention back on the street in front of her before continuing her way to the supermarket. She feels the urge to throw another look over her shoulder but she doesn't. Instead she desperately tries to remember the items on the shopping list.

But she forgot everything.

* * *

**Note: sorry for the long wait! Drop a comment? Thanks for reading! :)**


	4. electricity

**Sorry for the longest wait ever - hope my readers are still out there!**

**Song suggestion: "Untitled" by Interpol**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_**...Santana...**_

„Have you already heard the news? ... Santana?"

„I'm sorry what?" She's embarrassed when she realizes that she zoned out fort the second time within ten minutes. Quinn looks at her with an eyebrow pulled up.

"I asked if you've already heard the news. You know, about season three."

Santana narrows her eyes. She has no idea what her friend is talking about. All she knows is that she can't stop thinking about how she and Mike haven't had a proper conversation since the night of his birthday. Basically they've stopped talking at all.

She knows that he was hurt when she forgot his birthday and because they didn't sleep with each other after he tried.

"Santana? What the hell is wrong with you? You look like a ghost staring into space. Are you not feeling good?" Quinn asks concernedly.

Santana quickly shakes her head.

"I didn't sleep very well." She explains and grabs a make-up brush. The actors will show up every minute to get a proper make-up for the scene they are going to shoot today. "What were you saying?"

Quinn's face lights up before she speaks excitedly.

"It's official that we got renewed for season three! I'm so happy! Aren't you?" Quinn wants to know.

Santana finally understands what Quinn is talking about and yes – she's excited.

"Wow that's… that's great." She mumbles and puts on a smile.

"Great? It's freaking awesome! I was already stressing about finding a new job in case _Philip _didn't get renewed for another season but now I'm just like… relieved."

Santana can hear the happiness in Quinn's voice and of course she's happy about the news, too. But at the moment it is hard to lighten up her mood.

"You're still coming tomorrow, right?" Quinn asks and snaps Santana back from her thoughts.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah. It's my birthday, remember?" Quinn gives her a look that makes Santana feel bad.

"Of course! Yes, I'm coming. What did you think, huh?" Santana nudges the blonde's shoulder gently and bites her tongue. Why does she forget all the birthdays lately?

"In fact I invited somebody without your permission." Santana adds. "I hope that's ok. I can't uninvite her."

Quinn's eyes widen.

"Of course! The more the merrier. Who did you invite?" The blonde wants to know and Santana has no idea why her cheeks suddenly feel warmer.

"Uhm Brittany. She's… the girl who lives in my building and… yeah I've seen her a couple times on the rooftop and uh… she's coming hopefully." Why is she babbling like that?

Quinn narrows her eyes.

"You've seen her on the rooftop?"

"Yes" Santana nods. It's hard to look into Quinn's eyes while they're talking about Brittany.

"Ok… why?" Quinn goes on. Santana scratches her forehead.

"Huh?"

"I mean it's kind of a weird place. The rooftop."

"Oh! Yeah. It is." Santana agrees and she's more than relieved when she hears someone opening the door.

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late. I got hold up on my way over. Are you ready to give me a crazy bruise on my cheek?"

Santana laughs gently when she greets Beverly, the actress who plays the female lead of the show. The woman sits down in the chair in front of Santana and checks her own face in the big mirror.

"And remember… make sure it looks bad. I was in a crazy fight in my last scene." Beverly says while pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

Santana nods. She knows exactly what to do.

"Don't worry. I'm gonna make you look super badass. Right, Quinn?" Santana promises with a wink of her eye.

"Absolutely!" Quinn agrees and that's when they start their job.

Sometimes Santana can't believe that she actually works for a TV show and that she gets to talk to people who are famous. Everybody knows Beverly Cruz from the movies that made her popular and now she's a part of this small show.

Brittany would probably freak out if she knew whose skin Santana is touching right at this moment. She's such a big fan of the show. Carefully Santana removes the make-up on Beverly's face in order to get a professional one done before she can paint a big dark bruise across her left cheek.

Maybe she could ask Beverly for an autograph? She knows that Brittany loves Beverly Cruz. Santana does, too…

It takes her almost an hour to finish her work but once Beverly looks like she just got beaten up badly, Santana is satisfied. The actress smiles when Santana asks her to sign a piece of paper for a big fan.

"What's the name?" Beverly wants to know when she grabs a pen.

"Brittany" Santana says.

"Alright… there you go sweetheart. Thanks for the make-up. It looks stunning. See you later, ok?" Beverly leans in for a kiss on Santana's cheek and waves at Quinn who's still busy finishing the make-up on another actor's face.

Santana bites her lip when she looks at the note in her hand.

_Hey Brittany. Make sure to show up on set with your friend Santana one day! Love, Beverly._

"This Brittany girl must be special. You never ask for autographs because it embarrasses you." Quinn states with a chuckle.

It's true. Santana hates it when people ask her to hunt the stars for autographs. But she can't wait to see Brittany's face when she gives her Beverly Cruz' note.

For the rest of the day she can't help the constant smile on her face.

And all the trouble with Mike is forgotten.

* * *

…_**Brittany…**_

Her hands are shaking when she steps in front of the door.

This is ridiculous.

Why does she feel like that? Her stomach is making loops and her heart is fluttering.

It's been so long that she went out. Like really going out with friends. Whenever she works at the bar, she watches people having a good time, getting drunk, forgetting the every day life. She watches how they make out in corners, laugh till they cough, flirt like champions and touch under the table. She can see the excitement in their faces when they step into the bar and spot their friends. She knows they are thirsty and will order so many drinks and shots that she'll have trouble keeping up behind the counter.

They give her so much tip sometimes it's crazy. But she always watches from a safe distance. She doesn't go home with them and sees what happens after a night at the bar. She only gets to see what happens inside.

But today she doesn't have the opportunity to hide behind the counter. She's part of the party. She'll have to talk to people and she doesn't even know the birthday child.

She only knows Santana. What if the brunette will walk away to be with her friends? She's not good at meeting new people. She has never been.

She's awkward and quiet and never knows what to say to strangers.

Before she can knock on Santana's apartment door, it gets opened. Damn, for how long has she been standing there? Did Santana watch her through the peephole? That would be so embarrassing.

"Hey! I already thought you forgot so I was about to come downstairs and pick you up. Are you ready?" Santana's face is shining with excitement.

It's contagious.

Her dark hair is wavy and long and her brown eyes are smoky. Brittany knows that Santana is a make-up artist. She can tell that she's good at it by looking into her perfect face.

It's literally perfect.

"Hi" She breathes because her voice is caught in her throat.

"Are you ready?" Santana wants to know and closes the door behind her back. "Quinn is excited to meet you by the way."

"Really? I feel bad because I don't even know how old she turns today. But I do have a small present." Brittany says and points to the single rose in her hand.

Suddenly she wonders if it's weird to give another woman a rose. She has no idea if Quinn likes roses or flowers in general. Maybe she's allergic. Maybe she hates roses.

Why would she give a rose to another woman? She should have gotten chocolates. Or a book. Oh God why didn't she just give her a damn book? There are thousands of books at Brittany's library. Why didn't she think of that?

Roses are stupid.

"Aww that's lovely. How did you know that Quinn loves roses?" Santana wants to know.

"She does?"

"Yeah!"

Brittany exhales a breath of relief.

"Phew lucky me. I had no idea but I was walking around town and came across a flower shop and the roses looked amazing." She mumbles.

Santana nods and then they make their way downstairs to exit the building.

"Do you mind if we pick up my friends Rachel and Mercedes on the way?" Santana asks when they approach Santana's car. Brittany shakes her head.

"Of course not. I'm glad I'll know another face. Although I don't think Rachel likes me a lot."

"Oh please" Santana laughs. "She's crazy. But once you know her bit better, you'll see that she's a great girl. Ask her something about musicals and she'll be your best friend."

They get into the car and after driving for ten minutes in silence, they stop at a red light.

"You know I wasn't sure if you were going to come." Santana says.

Brittany looks at her from the side.

"Why not?" She wants to know. She wasn't sure if she was going to go, either.

"I don't know. You seem kind of… introverted." The brunette says carefully. "Not that that's a bad thing. I just wasn't sure if I had gone too far by inviting you to a birthday party of a friend you don't even know."

Brittany thinks about it. It makes her uncomfortable that people seem to notice her weakness about opening up to others.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Santana apologizes when their eyes meet for a glance.

"I'm not upset" Brittany says quickly.

Santana just looks at her. Then her eyes focus on the street because the lights turned green.

"I'm glad you asked me to join you. It's about time I get to know new people." Brittany says and takes a deep breath.

"Ok" Santana replies.

For the rest of the drive they don't talk. Only when Rachel joins them in the backseat and another woman named Mercedes gets picked up a couple minutes later, it gets really loud in the car.

Brittany chuckles when she listens to Rachel complaining about her boyfriend Brody who didn't make it to join them. Brittany knows that Puck would only have given her a weird look had she asked him to join her to a _party_.

Luckily he's still in Lima. This way she can fully enjoy the night and doesn't need to hurry to get home early.

When they arrive at Quinn's place, Brittany's jaw drops down. Her apartment is stunning. It's big and there's so much space in the living room. If this was Brittany's place, she'd put all the furniture to the side so she could use it as a dance floor.

"Hello my dear friends and welcome to my home!" A voice greets them. "I'm so glad you all came. Let me hug each one of you!" A pretty blonde says with a big smile and Brittany knows that this must be Quinn Fabray. Santana told Brittany a bit about her in the car. She first wraps her arms around Santana who rubs Quinn's back.

Once Quinn has greeted her other friends, she turns to Brittany and smiles at her warmly.

"Hi, I'm Brittany" Brittany says and holds the rose in front of Quinn. "I heard you like roses. Happy Birthday."

Quinn takes the flower and leans in for a kiss on the cheek.

Brittany already knows that she likes Santana's friends. She doesn't remember the last time she was welcomed like this.

"Thank you very much, Brittany. Make yourself feel at home, there are drinks in the kitchen and barbecue on the balcony!" Then Quinn gets pulled away by a group of people who just stepped inside and they all want to hug and congratulate her.

"Wow…" Brittany says when she takes a closer look at the surroundings. "Does she always throw such big birthday parties?" She wants to know.

Santana laughs.

"Yeah but this one is extra big. It's her thirtieth so… you better prepare yourself for a long night." The brunette explains and then guides Brittany into the kitchen where they get themselves a cocktail and a plate to grab some food on the balcony.

Time flies… and before she knows it, it's midnight. It is the best party she's ever been to because they just dance in the middle of the living room, eat delicious food and drink fancy drinks. They laugh so much that Brittany's belly aches. She had no idea that she could be so at ease around a group of people she met for the first time but Santana's friends are so nice. And Santana is nice, too…

She keeps talking to Brittany, gets her drinks and introduces her to more friends. It's just so easy.

It takes her a while to realize that Santana's only drinking water while Brittany's head is already spinning because of the alcohol.

"How come you're only drinking water?" Brittany dares to ask when the two of them step outside to get some fresh air.

Santana throws a quick look at Brittany from the side. She shrugs with a hesitant smile.

"I'm the driver." She says eventually with a wink of her eye.

Duh… why didn't Brittany come to that conclusion by herself?

"But uh" Santana goes on. "Also I've been bit reckless these past few weeks, to be honest."

Brittany frowns.

"What do you mean?" She wants to know.

"Like I've been drinking a lot lately and that's not what I normally do." The brunette laughs and looks a bit embarrassed.

Brittany thinks about it. Puck has been drinking ever since the accident happened. He was always one to grab a beer after work and enjoy an evening at home in front of the TV but in the past three years it has increased constantly. Sometimes he drinks a six-pack all by himself.

It scares her because trying to talk to him about it didn't help. It didn't work at all, he stopped her before she could say what she wanted to say.

"Why do you do it then?" Brittany asks. She knows Puck's reasons but why does Santana do it? It's hard to imagine that a beautiful woman like Santana could have problems.

That's silly though… everybody has problems.

"Well... lately I've had so many things on my mind that stress me."

"What things?"

"Just… relationship things."

Santana leads them to the inner courtyard which belongs to the building. They can hear music coming out of Quinn's apartment on the first floor.

"Remember how I told you about my doubts? That I don't think Mike and I are supposed to get married and stuff?" Santana asks.

Brittany remembers that evening at the bar very well. Santana seemed sad and desperate. Just like now.

"Yeah. You said it might be a phase though." Brittany reminds her.

"Right… but I don't think that's it." Santana shrugs. "He's been very distant since I forgot his birthday and I'm not blaming him. It's not like I've been trying to get to him, either. Sometimes I'm glad he's already asleep when I get home. Sometimes I pretend to be sleeping if he's the one to come home late."

Brittany knows what Santana means. She has done it hundreds of times.

"That's sad." She says and means it. It saddens her to know that Santana is unhappy. Because in Brittany's opinion there should be a constant smile on her face. "But you're not the only one who does that, trust me."

Santana's eyes light up.

"Yeah? You mean you do it, too?" The brunette asks carefully.

Brittany can see that Santana is curious. She can tell that she would love to ask Brittany questions. Questions about her relationship with Puck and about her life.

Actually Santana would be the perfect person to share secrets with. They seem to be in similar situations.

Both unhappy.

But Brittany can't give her that. Talking about feelings and stuff has never been one of her strengths. She feels sorry because there is hope in Santana's eyes.

"Maybe… sometimes." Brittany answers Santana's question but that's how far it'll go. She's ready to hear about Santana's problems. She can't, however, talk about her own.

"Isn't it possible that Mike feels the same way?" She speaks up in order to keep Santana from asking more questions. "Maybe you only have to bring it up and then you'll both say that things have to change and that it can't go on like this." Brittany suggests.

Santana scratches her forehead.

"Yeah I know… but bringing it up is the hardest part about it. We share this apartment and his family has become my family, too. I'll ruin so much by bringing it up. It'll all break down in front of my eyes."

The sad tone in Santana's voice makes Brittany swallow.

"But it's inevitable." Brittany says. Santana looks up at those words. Her face looks bit pale in the moonlight and her eyes flicker. It's like nobody ever told her the truth until now. At that moment she looks like a young girl with big brown eyes.

"How?"

It's the only word that leaves Santana's mouth before her head sinks and her shoulders jerk with a single, silent sob.

Brittany doesn't know how Santana should do it. How she can change something about her life. It is easy to say that she should talk to Mike. But at the same time it's hard to give advice because she's facing the same problem.

It's too close. It's like telling herself that she needs to do something about her own relationship with Puck but… she's everything he's got in this city.

A soft pressure surprises her. Santana's head is resting against Brittany's shoulder and Brittany would rather sell all her belongings than push her away.

It's the sweetest she's ever seen. Santana makes her heart swell but she can't explain why. She's a person like all the others.

Just a girl.

But her heart aches softly. The way it aches when you watch a movie that touches you truly. Only this is more intense.

"Don't be sad" She whispers. It's all she knows to say but she hopes it's enough to make Santana feel just a little bit better.

Carefully she squeezes Santana's shoulder and for another couple seconds, they just stand there in silence.

Then the moment gets interrupted. A song starts playing above their heads and Brittany's lips curl into a smile. She loved Dirty Dancing when she was younger. She used to dance to the soundtrack for hours and hours. The scene to the song playing right now was always one of her favorites. The scene where Baby carries one of those ridiculously large melons and watches how the dancers move their sweaty bodies to the song.

"Did you like the movie when you were a teenager?" Santana's voice sounds lighter than before. The frown on her forehead has disappeared, too.

Brittany grins.

"Yes. And I still do." She admits which causes Santana to chuckle.

"Well so do I. It's the best dance movie ever." Santana says with a shrug.

Brittany's eyes widen.

"Oh you would go that far?" She asks teasingly. The Latina laughs.

"Yes! Wouldn't you? When I was seventeen, my friends and I pretended to be the characters during sleepovers all the time. We practically reenacted the whole movie. Minus the love scene."

Brittany snorts with laughter at the thought. She wonders which role Santana played. And what she looked like at the age of seventeen.

"Go ahead then" She challenges the brunette with a grin.

"Go ahead what?"

"Go ahead. You take the role of Baby and have to dance circles around me." Brittany says.

Santana's facial expression is priceless.

"Come on" Brittany goes on but Santana just stands there.

"Uhm no" She says eventually. Brittany can tell that she's trying to suppress a grin.

"Why not? I wanna see how you dance." Brittany doesn't know why she's doing this. Usually it takes her forever to warm up like that to people and do silly stuff.

Santana crosses her arms in front of her chest, shaking her head.

"I'm not gonna dance like Baby. Not in a yard where everyone can see me." She pouts which makes Brittany giggle.

"Nobody can see you. Just me."

"No!"

"Please… Oh wow you'd make such a good Jennifer Grey, imagine you had her curly hair!" Brittany knows she's taking it too far but seeing Santana upset while trying to suppress laughter is the best thing she's ever seen. It's so funny.

"Brittany stop! I'm not gonna dance to this song! Or ever!"

Brittany ignores Santana's pleading and starts imitating some dance moves, trying to get Santana to join her. She raises her hands to let them run through her hair and moves her hips in a funny way. Santana just watches her with her lips pressed together but her eyes are laughing.

When Brittany starts playing air guitar, Santana can't keep it together any longer and bursts into laughter.

"Oh my God, stop now!" She says with laughter before grabbing Brittany's hands in order to stop her. Then their eyes lock and they lapse into silence.

Brittany's feeling tipsy. But her mind is wide awake. She's aware of the fact that Santana's face gets close to her own. She's aware of the fact that their fingers are suddenly entwined.

She notices how Santana's eyes hang on Brittany's lips. How her own breath hitches. How her heart stops.

She notices her pulse racing and her eyes closing.

But she never knew a feeling like this. The sensation of it. The connection makes her shudder. Like somebody plugged her into the correct outlet and suddenly it's overwhelming. The energy exchange between their lips makes her high.

What's happening…

Her knees are shaking. And she's _so _dizzy. But she can't pull back. Santana's warm hands are holding her tightly. Their noses brush against each other and their lips are pressed together.

The thought crosses her mind again – what is happening? And one single noise makes her fall out of her trance. A soft moan that sounds from Santana's lips.

Their mouths part, their eyes suddenly wide open. Brittany takes a step back and touches her lips. She feels like running away.

"I'm sorry"

Brittany looks up. She's never heard a voice so weak. Santana stands there, looking utterly confused and shocked about what just happened. She apologized. But Brittany can't find her voice to reply. She swallows instead.

"Brittany…"

Their eyes lock for three seconds, then a voice interrupts them.

"Santana! Are you guys down there somewhere? You've got to come up here, we're playing games and I just cut my birthday cake!"

Brittany shakes her head trying to collect her thoughts. Santana quickly turns around and makes a few steps away. She looks up into the sky and waves. Quinn must be standing on the balcony but Brittany can't see her from where she's standing. She just stares at Santana. Then she stares at the ground.

Her mind is empty.

Somehow they make their way back upstairs. They don't talk. Brittany wouldn't know what to say, she's literally out of words. Only when they enter the living room and get surrounded by people and loud music, she comes back to her senses.

"I'll get a drink" She mumbles towards Santana.

She needs to get away from here. And her…

"Ok" Is everything she hears before turning around and leaving Santana alone.

…

Later that night when she's lying in bed alone, tears are streaming down her face. She took a cab home instead of driving back with Santana and her friends.

Nobody ever did something like that before. Who does she think she is? Brittany was just trying to be silly with her dance moves and teasing Santana.

But then a strange vibe took over and her body stopped listening to her brain. She's never been in a situation like this, so how is she supposed to know what to do now?

The desperate tears run over her temples and tickle her hair. She's never felt so lost before.

* * *

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